Dealing With a Touchy-Feely Special Needs Individual
Categories: Angelman Syndrome, Communication
Tags: caregivers Special Needs and Life appropriate touch
On his way past me, he made a quick move to grab my hand. His caregiver reminded him gently but sternly that he was not to touch people he didn’t know, and that he had to have permission first. Of course, his action didn’t offend me. I didn’t feel as if my personal space had been invaded, and it was just a simple hand grab. But, I knew the lesson that this woman was helping to teach him. She didn’t realize that I had a child myself with special needs. And most of the kids with my son's disorder (Angelman Syndrome) are themselves very affectionate and will approach and hug strangers, and get in their personal space. (My little guy doesn’t do this, as he isn’t mobile).
I always think in these situations about what the right reaction is, or what to say. There is a little girl at my son’s school who adores him, and who is prone to touching and hugging others. They spend a lot of their day together. I tried to respect how the school teaches the “no touching” rule, but at this point she knows me quite well, so do I refuse a hug from someone I see on a regular basis?
In the case of this young teenage man, he stopped trying to grab my hand when reminded by his caregiver. At that point, I extended my hand in what I felt was an “appropriate touch”, and said “Hi, my name is Jennifer. How are you?” and waited for him to take my hand, which he did. He introduced himself and I chatted with him and the woman for a few minutes before we parted ways. The exchange went very well. Although I wouldn’t have been offended had he hugged me (although he was a big boy, and had he not known his strength, he could have crushed me), I feel I made the right choice in trying to teach personal boundaries and space, and in helping to teach appropriate (& inappropriate) touch with a stranger.
How do you respond when put in these situations of a developmentally delayed child or adult hugging you or touching you, and personal space?
How do I respond? The same as you did! Respectful of and act in line with the lessons being taught to the individual.
But also, it is not in me to be offended by the touch or hug of any disabled, delayed person. This is not true for everyone though.
Moderation in all things and patience are good for everyone to practice.
Thanks for bringing up the subject.
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I would do the same as you - not reject him but understand the importance for him to learn social skills.
I admit however, that since reading blogs for the last 3 years, I'm more concerned than ever at offending adults accompanying children with disabilities. Not looking is interpreted as ignoring. Seeking to gain eye contact to acknowledge the child or parent is interpreted as staring.
I think it is a judgment call in every situation.
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I COMPLETELY agree with your comment!
I worry about my looking or not looking being judged as something rude as well. It's funny- if I have my son with me, I don't feel like I'm being "judged" if I look. I guess I feel like its some type of unsaid understanding or something. But, if I look at someone or am looking away, I wonder what the person is thinking. Is she being rude? Staring?
I try not to dwell on it too much (especially when someone looks at us), as it would drive me nuts. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. To a flaw. I'm very naive really, but choose to stay that way.
Thank you for your comment!
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This is how it sometimes seems to me as well. My looking & smiling seems more readily accepted by other Special Needs parents/caregivers when my son is with me than when he's not.
As for how I feel when people are looking at us...I smile back no matter what their look means! I don't like my son being stared at which is often & blatant, but then I know with his head full of red curly hair & green glasses he is going to get looks regardless of his "medical accessories"...*sighs* I'd like to say I take it all in stride now that my son is 6 yrs old, but sometimes it REALLY gets to me- how different we are & he is, in public. When people rudely stare, whisper, or ask poorly worded questions, its another reminder of what he's NOT in comparison to typical 6 yr old kids.
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Agreed.
My little guy is 10, but he is still the size of a 6 year old. I wonder how the looks and that will change when he outgrows the "cute" stage soon. I think people are more comfortable with children, and are more comfortable interacting with him as a cute child.
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